Sunday, August 19, 2007

The Dissected Break-Up Speech

“See, I’ve been thinking about us lately..
--He’s telling you that you will be talking about your relationship

“and I feel like
--He wants to be heard first

“we should take a break.
--he pauses, then inspects your reaction. (deep breath optional)

“Things have been very hard for me
--you are thinking why he never talked to you about it

“and I don’t want them to be harder in the near future.
--he needs something convenient

“I don’t want you to be hurt more in the process
--he sounds as if he cares. Then you wait for his next phrase.

“that’s why I’m telling this to you now.
--he sounds as if he is actually doing you a favor.

“but don’t think that it’s your fault
--he assumes that you blame yourself but really, you are still in the process of digesting things

“it is mine actually
--he takes the blame for it. He expects you to say it’s not his fault

“I feel that I need space
--he doesn’t need you anymore

“in order to understand myself
--really now. Is this the first time?

“to find reasons in the things I do.
--he acts pitiful. He wants you to pity him.

“I don’t know why I’m feeling this way
--*blank stares* he is thinking of what to say next

“I loved you, I’m sure.
--he wants to reassure you that everything was real and reasonable

“but I can’t keep you waiting
--he reinforces that it is reasonable by assuming that waiting is such a bad thing to occur to anyone

“I don’t want to deny you of your freedom
--again, he makes it look as if he’s doing you a favor

“because I still care for you.
--he wants you to feel better to feel better about himself.

Saturday, August 4, 2007

A Love Letter

I like thinking that sometime in my life I have met you.

And though meeting you is not very convenient, I still like thinking of you and my life with you in it. Amazing how the past days have become. I have not been the usual me. I just find myself missing you more. And missing you less…because I know I’ll see you soon. Plus I’ll be seeing more of you. Such a nice thought.

I’m fighting the urge to SMS you because I don’t want to be too obvious. And trust me, this is not usual. I surf the net to check how you are but I do not find anything interesting. Nothing new. Just the same you; the same you I had come to like so profusely these past few days.

Conversations with you (at night) had been one of the bests I’ve had in my life. I have never felt more understood. Whenever you speak with me I feel like a kid, listening to his soccer coach who is also his dad. So full of amazement and respect. And a pinch of love. Those are the kinds of nights when I wish that God would forget to put oil in the earth’s axis; then the earth wouldn’t rotate, then the night wouldn’t end.

Right now, everything is blurry for the forecasted “us”. But I know---because I feel it in the depths of my heart---that someday, we will make such a nice couple. We will live a fruitful life. We shall conquer the world together and every night, you shall sleep with poems under your pillow. Every morning, you shall wake up to my songs in the shower.

We will put up a business together. We will support the kids that worship the same art that we do. We will be happy and we'll grow old together.

And if you are reading this, you will know that I am talking about you. You will smile because I have become such a sissy. But you know, I think I love you. There are just too many to love.

But I’ll see you soon. Promise.