Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Seven Habits of Highly Effective Bitches

Before you label yourself a do-it-all gal who's got it going on, babe, you gotta know how you should be like every day. I present to you the seven habits of highly effective bitches.

1. Be charming! Be very charming. The regular bitch is someone who gets what she wants but the high-quality bitch gets what she wants EVEN IF SHE DOESN'T KNOW HOW IT ALWAYS HAPPENS. She is manipulative because she is irresistible. She is a lawbreaker because she is cute when she is.The art of charm is more than eyelash-batting; it is a clothing that you have to wear everyday. It is embedded in the way you stand, walk, carry yourself, talk, write. Everything! What is important is that you steal hearts(and breaths!) everywhere you go. Yes, even if you're sweating after a soccer practice.

2. Be creative! The bitch always stands out in a crowd. The regular bitch wears whatever is in, the goddess-bitch defies conventions and yet looks unexplanably perfect in whatever she wears. Be that kind of person. The first thing that you have to master is your body type and your complexion. You must easily determine which colors and styles flatter you the most and work on it. Be very innovative. And stock a lot. Tip: The Ukay-ukay is a heavenly place for cheap and rare beauties. It's like, the seventh wonder of the world!

3. Be street-smart! I told you before; the bitch is manipulative. This means that she knows the way of the world. It has a lot to do with survival and social standing. Carefully choose your affiliations, always come up with a Plan B (in rare cases, the goddess-bitch fails) and cross your fingers.

4. Be optimistic! The regular bitch has this unattainable aura that makes her look unapproachable, antagonistic, and worse, old. She thinks she's so good that she should just put an invisible "don't talk to me" sign on her forehead. No. That's not the way to go. Be the bitch who is always seen as happy and optimistic. In a world where the news is always bad news, be the fresh juice. People will thank you afterwards.

5. Be fit! The important bitch is a world-helper, a world-saver and a world-beautifier. To maintain whatever contribution you have, you have to be fit and healthy. Actually, it's not that hard to imagine. Just squeeze in little worthwhile physical activities like climbing the stairs, biking, weekend badminton, etc. Moreover, develop the habit of eating healthy. Being a vegan is not required. Just abstinence from soft drinks and junk food can do the trick. You can't always save the world, but at least save yourself.

6. Be grateful. In a world where the words "please" "thank you" and "kindly" are experiencing shortages more glaring than rice, be the difference. There are times when it takes you more than a minute to get that illegal dessert, you know. *evil smile*

7. Love yourself. No, I'm not saying you take a picture of yourself and post the same damn thing 8 times on Friendster, that's not self-love, that's disturbing self-idolatry! By loving oneself, it entails respect and pride. Make these things your way of life. And life will make way for you.

Come on, there's gotta be a self-help article somewhere for all the wanna-be bitches in the world. They're quite a big market, you know.


claudiopoi said...


pinagtatanggol mo talaga ang mga bitches. lol

nice one (--,)\m/

karla stefan said...

i have to. haha. wala kaming partylist eh. lol.

anna katrina said...

ooh, a bitch mantra. loovvve it. haha. =)

Peppermint Streak said...

@anna: ex links tayo? =)